M E T A P H O R: 2009

What's Wrong With Green Eyes?

I’m not wrong because I wish for the familial strength that gripped me hard like a shark in his bloody element. I’m not wrong for twitching my nose when your familiar scent hits it by way of my overactive imagination. I’m not wrong either for being repulsed by it on the bad days. I’m not wrong for wasting water on you during dry season, or for not offering it to the gods of sorrow when they call for sacrifice. I’m not wrong for wishing you’d beg me back or being relieved when you don’t. I’m not wrong for redirecting my sight when you walk pass but I am not wrong for wishing my stare could just for a second disrupt your world. They’re not wrong because they don’t understand why and I’m not wrong because I can’t explain it. It’s not wrong that you’ve re-discovered the woman of your dreams. It’s just wrong that the woman isn’t me.

Half Empty

i don't know the feelings i have right now but it seems like this is what dying might feel like. there are shards of glass scattered on my ground and they are the sad remnants of all that used to be. the glass i saw as half empty is even worse now that it's broken. the mirror that reflected my dissatisfied image is worse when it's shatterings reflect nothing. would i rather see a dim light or no light at all? my thoughts of it all are splinters in my soul shooting pieces of pain with instructions from my brain down to the sole of my feet. the glass was half empty and now it's broken and i hurt.

Time after Time

There's Quiet in my mind, Peace in my heart, Contentment in my world, and Joy in my life. Love exists.

The quiet in my mind comes because of the confidence that who I am as a woman is solidified by ME and only ME.... outside validation, not necessary.

The peace in my heart comes as a free gift. It's the peace that surpasses YOUR understanding. It saturates my heart, blanketing me in the peace of knowing that I am....

The contentment in my world exists because this world IS mine. The occupants thereof were chosen by me, carefully selected to ADD to the fullness of my life, not to BECOME it. My world doesn't shatter at the actions or reactions of people outside of it.

The joy in my life is apparent in my smile. It exemplifies everything internal. External factors can't diminish what they can't reach. I'm untouchable and YOU can't take away what YOU didn't give.

Love exists because I give it. It returns to me as purely as I share it. It's the spirit from which all things come. It manifests itself in my life continually, unchangingly and eternally, minute after minute, hour after hour, year after year and time after time.

So, since I can't relate and perhaps you can, tell me how it feels to need someone else to justify your depressing existence??

Water Pressure (explicit)

It came down on me like a blazing hot summer rain and from it NO infliction of pain just splendid caresses again and again

Spatter spatter drip drop, it was poured on thick like a lust filled voice spoken by love.
Oh yes, like a lust filled voice spoken by love.

In it I heard far away tales of mischief and pain, progression and gain, also of priceless treasures like iridescent rainbows after this heated rain.

This sky was thunder-less, void of the wrath of God.

Spatter spatter drip drop, it poured on thick like wicked beats laced through hip hop. Just like the wicked beats laced through hip hop.

Now that I was in tune with the tune, this love’s monsoon blew in heat with its beat and the sound of its falling was to my ears so sweet.

I let wet pour way down my breast like sweat when you catch me love dancing.

My head held back, it was magnificent bliss! Oh the things I miss and I’ve been months waiting for this.

And now it’s climactic and my thoughts are erratic frantic when I think of it over. Sad I won’t feel this way again until the next time I come over….

Spatter spatter drip drop could this heat raining down be love washing me fresher? Or just the glorious effect of the new and improved water pressure?!?!

Inaugurations & Un-niggerations

Jim Crow enthusiasts thought us singing dancing grinning fools, segregated our schools, considered us niggers, darkies, sambos and coons, rolling over in 6 foot graves about the new color scheme gracing that oval office room. I approve!

And while some may call him mulatto, just like they say tomato and I say tomaaato, I recognize him black, reminiscent of the whip induced blood stains on my great great granddaddy’s back and the kings and queens of Africa ruling the nations going millenniums back…

With the unlikeliest of names, he has made his claim to fame more than his swag, it’s his brain; his ability to sketch hope in men and women who have forgotten their names. He has given the big picture a solid frame and has effectively challenged us to change.

It’s remarkable that 2 long years of abrasive speeches, publicity leeches and would be security breaches could not sway the man whose message of hope reaches the deepest corners of war infested lands, beyond the sands of foreign beaches. This accomplishment teaches..

That there is no more time to be shucking and jiving, backbiting and conniving, but rather to be relentless in striving for all the things our ancestors have died for. Let’s get our nation back to thriving and begin again by reviving the hopes of our youth, who are dying in back alleys and in the streets, popping X to feel complete, locked up with heads hung in painful defeat! Let me repeat. They are DYING in these streets.

And yes, historically we’ve been cast down, sold to the highest bidder at auction blocks around town, lynched, raped, hung and clowned, beat up and beat down, but it is not our destiny to drown in waters murky and brown; stinking of despair and inferiority, helplessness, hopelessness, succumbing to exertions of false superiority.

In my vision we are NOT the minority. We have come out to facilitate change in staggering majorities while superseding prejudice, giving precedence to the ideals of this country by making democracy and fairness priorities. We have come to claim our piece of the pie with graceful authority. Let us agree..

To in accordance with our challenge, be the few to tip the balance of power on the issues affecting our quality of living, stop all the taking and practice selfless giving, giving thought to our children who will take the reigns when we die; let’s protect them from the filthy lie of “can’t”. Let’s educate them equally; being careful to not deny them the opportunities they were born deserving.

It’s unnerving to think of us not preserving the promises of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Let them know that their rights are more valuable than tangible and expensive gifts, the rights to education, equality, and swift impartial justice.

So when he raised his hand, the proverbial fist in solidarity with the idea that governmental partiality can no longer exist, I dared not dismiss the enormity of the event, because all of our time in history has been spent climbing and reaching and hoping for this moment and it’s the closest we’ve come to atonement and in my eyes it was nothing short of GOLDEN.

Congratulations Black People and Congratulations Barack Obama!

He Said She Said

He loved her with all his might
She was disgusted at the sight
He promised he would be right
She shuddered with fright
He followed her every move
She busted up his groove
He had so much to prove
She never did approve
He began to hurt inside
She was filled with pride
He hated being denied
She put his feelings aside
He didn't give another his heart
She'd done it at the start
He didn't want them apart
She tore the family apart
He never gave up hope
She gave him a little rope
He was starting to cope
She saw the larger scope
He still really loved her
She didn't have to wonder
He let no man put asunder
She realized her blunder
He asked her to I do
She agreed to begin anew
He no longer has to pursue
She is his through and through....

Just Because

Just because you've never seen me drive, doesn't mean I can't, doesn't mean I don't and doesn't mean you won't!

Just beacuse you don't know my heart, doesn't mean it's cold, rock hard, or that it's never healed from scars...

Just because you've never known my passion doesn't mean it's diminished or that it's weak or somehow unfinished.

Just because you' haven't seen my lightening flash, doesn't mean it never strikes, or that when you do, you won't be amazed at the sight..

Just because I am who I am, I'll excuse you for the things you don't know..
and just maybe one day we'll have the opportunity to grow.. and I can bestow you with information and expose you to all the things about me that make me glow... then.. you'd KNOW.

DrAmA... the Natural Aphrodisiac

Everybody claims they wanna be drama free, but I'm really beginning to think the opposite. Now I'm a cool, laid back kinda lady. I've never set his car on fire, keyed the car, acted a fool in public, called the other woman on the phone and all that jazz. Somebody told me I was "non-confrontational" but perhaps I've been going down the wrong path people!!!!

Contrary to the claims of men (and women) all over, I think that secretly, people enjoy just the opposite. It just so happens that the same one who gives you drama, is the one who holds you in the palm of her hand. U tip toe around her feelings cause u know what lies beneath if u take her there. U CLAIM she's a drama queen, but you do nothing to destroy her crown. You alone have the power to shut her down, but you don't and you won't.

So, does it make u proud that someone completely loses themselves over you? Does it stroke your ego that she's willing to "ride or die"... (which essentially means act a damn fool for you). Does it intensify your passion to know that someone on earth wants u this damn bad? We've all had a female friend that stayed with her man after he slapped her around, called her all kinds of names, cheated, lied, and anything else u can think of.. and we looked at her like damn, why does she stay with this dude?!!

But it's the same for men. They just can't seem to shake ole girl who's slashin' his tires, checking his voice mails, hacking his e-mails, callin the numbers in his phone and basically keeping him like a prisoner in his own f'd up ass life.

And then, here u are.. kind and understanding, positive and polite, calm and collected and of course u get shitted on every time, because he knows you'll understand... u won't go off, but he HAS to appease her cause she'll do all the things u won't over him.

Maybe next week, I should do some experimenting........start busting out car windows, creepin down the block and 1 and 2 am, calling numbers and shaking things up. This seems to get the reactions I don't get by conducting myself like a LADY. WTF?!

Augmentation

If I knew what it felt like to be a flower in bloom..
I'd say that's how I feel.
I'd say I feel like hot sand on the beach rescued by the cool ripple of the ocean's carress..
If I were a bird
I'd say I felt free to tweeet tweet tweet and sing my soul at the break of dawn.
If the jungle were my home..
I'd say I am the lioness capturing LIFE with explicit precision.
I have BECOME the smile on my lips, and if you kiss me.. watch me light up your life..

MyNorca Explained

Perfect gentleman. He epitomizes chivalry and class. He makes me remember all the things my mom hoped for me and brings them to life. He wines and dines and he walks his talk. He compliments without flattery and exaggerations. He hears with his ears but listens with his mind. He's interested in the inner parts of who I am. He expects me to accept his gestures. His consideration is in every little thing he does for me and in every word he speaks to me.

Irresistibly sexy. Apart from his physical superiority, his sexiness comes from the inside out. The man that he is enhances the man that you see. He's not just fine but attractive. His skin is dark and flawless and his eyes gleam in the light, and at a moment's glance he did capture me. He's carefully built his body to be strong and firm, tight and oh so right, but it's the way he moves that magnifies the attraction. His perspective is as sexy as his movement; his mind as sexy as his sex.

Experienced. He's a man through and through. He's not excited by boy toys as he was in his twenties, making hasty and reckless decisions. His actions are deliberate and purposeful. Excitement for him is the reality of true commitment; it's in the knowledge that someone has his best interest at heart. Experience has taught him the danger of cheap thrills; concurrently he's found the virtue of patience. He's been around the world and its cultures have enhanced his life. He's versatile and well rounded. He's articulate and smart, knowing how to identify truth. He's had it all and lost it all and through my love will have it all again.

Relentlessly determined. He knows what he wants and makes moves toward it. He's no longer afraid of losing because when you've lost everything you have everything to gain. Instead of wallowing in self-pity, making excuses or constant complaining, he's turning his losses into gains. He hasn't closed his mind to the endless possibilities that await him. He hasn't hardened his heart to the love that's waiting to embrace him. He welcomes the challenge of building trust and cultivating relationships. He's determined to succeed in life and love.

Confident. He's a man that believes in himself and what he has to offer. When he steps in the room, his presence commands respect. He's sure of himself and speaks with confidence and authority. His stare is strong and steady, his eyes don't wander about. Every time he looks at me, it's direct and penetrating. His voice is deep and reassuring. When he speaks to me, his confidence is contagious, reminding me that we are each others prize and together we can move mountains.

Exceptionally gifted. He expressively creates art. He makes from nothing the images of his creative mind. He skillfully works magic with his hands and constructs beauty from natural substances of the earth. He has been given a gift freely and he maximizes his ability through creation. He, being a strong black man, is art. He embodies it considering that from clay he was formed by God himself, the first artist of the universe. His work is incomparable and his worth is priceless, however did I get the chance to experience him?

MyNorca Complained

Silence is blaring as I listen to the nothingness that is now our conversation. It's empty like South American calabash; meaningless like the distant mumblings of R.E.M. sleep. While you silently assassinate my optimism regarding our connectedness, I'm struggling to preserve its life. I suggest open communication to quicken our slowing pulse. I conjure up memories of selfless gestures and new anticipation in an effort to resuscitate dying enthusiasm... what can I do to revive us again?

I remember what loneliness feels like; I journey there by way of your unspoken detachment and your waning interest. I remain there until you purposely escort me out. But while I visit, there's a voice in the midst that tries to convince me of negativity. It relays signals of pride wounded by doubt. It seduces my insecurities by sketching images of faceless women flaunting the secrets I have yet to learn. This villain claims to be the voice of reason until sounds of idealism shouts it out.

Beneath the surface there's sincerity at my core. There lives a multitude of verified emotions. You know not of its beauty because you don't believe that such a place exists within me. You won't even attempt to follow me there to confirm its truth. So how then can someone describe heaven to a person who does not believe in God? How do you convey the essence of sight to someone who's blind? And even if you could get impossibly close, how can they partake of beauty when they won't open their eyes?

Please open yours.

A Long Walk

Life is good from a walk on the lakefront point of view.
Laughter is music when it's invoked by a master lyricst.
Statements are poignant when they're spoken honestly.
Fear is non-existent when courage has his arm around you.
Passion sounds like love when you listen to the bodies talk.
The past looks like the future when it gets around to repeating.
Life is good from a walk on the lakefront point of view.

Merci pour le temps que nous avons eus. Vous me déplacez vraiment et je vous aime pour la vie,

Love De.

Mediterranean New

Like the smooth shiny packaging of thumping beats, newness abounds. It's refreshing like the mist at dawn and untarnished by the heaviness that sometimes comes with knowing. It's the unknown in its entire, complete and intimidating splendor. It's not the restrictive newness of unbroken leather, but reminiscent of the anticipatory newness of a family addition. The thought makes me light on my feet and tempts my mind to wander to destinations of the future. It's been eternities since my smile was so broad, ages since I appreciated light breeze or glistening snow. My eyes gleam when they're properly explored. They turn a brighter shade of brown when they connect with sincerity in the sunlight. My senses have never been so alive. The Mediterranean scent of masculinity is carried by the wind. In our element, its spicy fragrance is the perfect playground for seduction, luring me closer and closer to its core. If I followed the sound of honesty, I'd discover you at its end. If I searched for the definition of new, there you would also be. I'm DeAna and I'm so very glad to meet you.

Dungeons and Dragons

The manifestation of all things negative slid ever so slowly down the chocolate slope. The burdens inside it's DNA were so heavy that when it hit the ground, the sound was loud. It seemed that the surrounding darkness gave this thing more power and the cacophony of singing and monotone dribble were it's cohorts. The "victim" was powerless when the manifestation multiplied. It had mutated into something more ugly and more intense and now the sounds of them hitting the ground was a speeding Red Line Train at the rush hour. A noble man of kind countenance offered the "victim" a shield... a sort of armor that would vanquish the sliding negativity as soon as it emerged and protect the chocolate slope from certain ruin. He seemed to be a hero in this dungeon until he melted into the darkness of the tunnel. So the "victim" was again on her own with the one shield trying to fight the tirade of sliding negativity... She needed a strategy to combat this vicious enemy. But she knew not what to do because this manifestation was borne of something in the recesses of her own mind. It was like an invisible virus attacking from within. So as her thoughts took form, the enemy seemed to be subdued. She then decided to ask aloud.... "Why are you harrassing me? What do you want and who are you so that I may defeat you?!!!!" And with uncontrollable laughter the evil enemy answered... "You may have won the battle, but not the WAR. I will come with a bigger army of the negative manifestation called: Tears, and the chocolate slope that is your cheek will be marred with the stain of salt! Next time the noble man will be replaced with a stinking bum with no Kleenex to offer you for protection. You will be submerged by the tears and the sounds will be even louder with not one but TWO Red Line trains pounding the tracks at once! The tunnel will be even more putrid and you will suffer!!!! Your burdens today do not compare to your burdens upon my return. Who am I you ask??? HA HA HA HA. I am your enemy and your mother's enemy. Your daughter's enemy and your bosses enemy, here for all generations!!!! I AM P.M.S.!!! and I will be back for you in 28 days."ROFLMAO.... I'm a fool for this one..

Settling

Things certainly do change! Ladies, I can remember a time when I really longed to be in a nurturing relationship. All I wanted to do was give give and give my love to someone and have it reciprocated.... Everything would be okay if I could just find the right man and get married.. ~
Somewhere along the way, that theory was disproved. That thought disintegrated along with the notion that I would be completely happy with life if I just had the right man.

So now, I'm single and satisfied, snappy and happy and all that good stuff. But how is it that my ideals have changed so drastically? I could credit it to self-appreciation, or something of that nature. It has occurred to me that I have the ability to pull out everything I was looking for in a man out of myself. (Of course.. some things I still need him for!!!!!!!!!), but for the most part, I see everything I once yearned for as a hindrance. A big ass attachment with no real rewards.

Yeah, I've been swept off my feet only to fall flat on my ass... Things are rarely what they seem. It seems to me that relationships aren't as satisfying as they used to be when you didn't really know what they were supposed to be. (If you can understand that). So now, I'm 25 and when I should be thinking of settling down, only settling for less comes to mind. Less and less and less....

Schoolgirl Rhyme

Oh, we're just "kickin' it", we're "friends", that's my "girl", we cool.
When he really should say, "It's a game we play, and I made the rules".
Cause it's all fun and games when the passion is at its peak,
Exciting conversations, motivation in the words he speaks.
It's all oooh's and aah's when he puts your mind at total rest,
When every stroke of genius feels like the very best.
It's all smiles and laughter when things are fresh and new,
No definitions, no titles, and expectations are few.
Nope, it don't matter that other women get what you got,
As long as he keeps it tight and your thing is hot.
It's all chuckles and grins when he's runnin' all that game,
'Cause u runnin' it too and it's really all the same.
It's damn near perfect when he's hittin' hard from the back,
Til u blowin' him up and get to see his disappearing act.
It's all fine and good when things are fresh and new...
'Til one of u catches a feeling and that one person is YOU.

Revolution Televised

With tears streaming down our beaming faces, pride bursting from our souls, we witnessed the election of the FIRST AFRICAN AMERICAN PRESIDENT in the HISTORY of the UNITED STATES!!!!!!!!!!!!

Last night, the revolution WAS televised while we reveled in the historic bliss of electing OUR president. It's level of importance cannot be minimized and it means so much more than what I can summarize here, but to me:

THIS means that GOD is real and that HIS perfect will prevails! It means his WORD stands true when it said that the last shall be first and the first shall be last!

THIS means that the blood sweat and tears, prayers, hopes and wishes of generations of mothers and fathers have not been in vain.

THIS means that after seeing hope, strength, dedication and perseverance personified, we can begin to reverse the patterns of self-hate demonstrated throughout our communities.

THIS means that we have redesigned perceptions and inaccurate assessments of who we are as a people and what we can achieve as a force.

THIS means that we now have the continued and enormous responsibility of living up to the standard that has been set before us through this long-awaited achievement.

THIS means that black women will rediscover their power and vehemently denounce the projections of anger and classlessness that has plagued our images for so long.

THIS means that imaginations are being re-visited, pride is taking form, barriers are being broken, perceptions are being altered, minds are being expanded, doors are being opened, opportunities are being presented and undoubtedly HISTORY IS BEING MADE!

God Bless America and God Bless Barack Obama!!!!!!

My First Love

This night I cried buckets of tears.... all I wanted was my first love.

Because, when I talk to him I'll never have to wonder if he's listening because when I'm troubled he speaks peace to me. He desires to take my burdens and make them his own. Anything that concerns me, concerns him. He WANTS me to be dependent on him; to tell him everything. He doesn't want to use what he knows against me, threatening to leave because of what he knows. Whatever it is, he can handle it. His understanding surpasses any I've ever known. He understands every thing I feel and acts accordingly. I can be totally honest with him and he's incapable of telling me lies. When he tells me he loves me, I don't have to define it. It just is. I don't have to equate it with flattery or sex, money or time. When he says he'll do anyting for me.... he already has. He's been everywhere and can take me anywhere.

He is perfect in the truest sense of the word. He defines it, and embodies it. He's not selfish or inconsiderate, boring or lame. He's faithful and tender, kind and patient. He's attentive and helpful, comforting and full of peace. He's honorable and respectful, and he doesn't degrade the ones he loves. He can back up anything he says and doesn't waste time or words. He loves his mother and considers himself a servant.

He knows everything I wish I could but never makes me feel inferior because I don't. He honors the love shown to him and is satisfied by praise. He is successful, responsible and totally debt free. He's not tired or lazy; broken or suffering. When I am sick his touch heals me. When I have a question he always has an answer; he isn't sarcastic and obnoxious. He isn't cold-hearted and rude. He isn't slick and dishonest.

He loves to sit to sit with me in complete and peaceful silence. He doesn't want to use me for my body, dishonoring and defiling it. He doesn't pressure me or coerce me. He loves me and expects only pure love in return. He isn't a push-over nor is he invasive. He's gentle and does everything in order. He is rich and owns everything; yet haughtiness repulses him. He has connections in all the right places and will use them when necessary. He's a mover and a shaker and he gets the job done right. He fights for me and wins every time. He's supportive and motivating. He does nothing begrudgingly; because he's more than willing. He's witty and personable, smart and experienced.

There's nothing more important than my well being. Nothing will take his eyes off of me.... He'll never forget my birthday and our anniversary. He takes care of his children and loves them unconditionally. He's powerful and strong yet he doesn't yell or shout, curse me or abuse me. He feeds me and quenches my thirst. He fulfills every desire with ease; catering to my needs like no one ever has. He's graceful and cultivated, not phony or pretentious. His words are never shallow; speaking to the core of me, they infiltrate my soul.

He's grounded and stable-minded, not fickle and indecisive. He has an eye for detail and he doesn't skip a beat. He's never late, always prompt. He can keep a secret.. he won't tell a soul. He's very laid back with an incredible sense of humor. He doesn't hold anger and doesn't linger in the streets. He's talented and gifted.

Just knowing him, makes me a better person. he loves to give surprises and he will always make me smile. When I call him he never ignores my call, the line is never busy and the battery is never dead. Reception is always perfect and I've never even heard his voicemail. I can call him all throughout the day and he never rushes me off the phone.

This man loves me especially different because he's MORE than a man...He holds my heart in the cuff of his hands like an injured bird. He says meaningful words to me and whispers total truth in my ear. He wakes me up every morning and showers me with gifts only he could provide. He showers me with w/promises of joy & sweet peace. He pleases me and oh how I adore him. He never gets on my nerves, his touch is like pure silk, healing me to the depths of my soul, mending my heart, instructing me, and leading me. He speaks to every corner of mind, body and soul. He wipes my tears and removes all my fears.

He knows what's best for me and I can trust him to make the best decisions concerning me. He is my King, yet he serves ME with peace and love. I mean the world to him and he shows it. I'm not ashamed of him so he's not ashamed of me. He's all I've ever needed and more...So, to you....... I know you've been waiting, so patiently waiting for me. You set the standard for me and I've been settling for less.. Downgrading at every turn. I'm tired of having less than you would give, I'm tired of being broken when you could easily fix me. Help me to find you again, the one of my dreams, desire of my heart. You are truly my "soul mate". I can never fully return the love you have for me, because it shines so bright I can hardly even endure it. I want to love you though; it's all I've ever wanted to do. I'm reaching for you; please rescue me with a kiss of life. Anoint me in purity and teach me your ways. I miss you, let me find you again. I need you. I've been looking for something I'll never find in another. In all of my seeking I've simply been looking for you.

Hear me now....Lord.... you are my first love.

Last Time

Last night I missed you like the deserts miss the rain
But then you kissed me like healing overtaking pain
Last week you misunderstood my caring tone
Now your understanding of my ways is overgrown
Last month you were ready to throw it all away
Sense and Sensibility convinced you to stay
Last year I swore you couldn't capture my heart
Until I realized that you'd done it from the start
Last night I missed you like the deserts miss the rainBut then you kissed me like healing overtaking pain

HIStory

You're untouchable until you coincidently collide with the one who knows how to touch you without lifting a finger.
You have all the words until the verbal exchange with the one who taught you the definition of them.
You've locked your true person deep inside you and now the key has found you and there's no escape.
Out of the blue, your reflection confronts you and sees through you right to the heart of itself.
You had your course mapped out, and the blow of past winds has aggressively changed your direction.
You weren't even looking for it, but in not looking, you found a buried treasure. YOUR treasure that time and change buried deep into another realm.
You thought you'd evolved, until evolution itself came to show you how it's done.
You thought you were refined until, perfect refinement looked you in the eye.
You thought you had it ALL until MORE caught you off guard.

History repeated itself when your past came and perfectly carried you into the future.

Dead Time

I wrote this on the "L" in April 2002 and still it baffles me.

So, I'm reflecting on things.. Thinking about how sad it makes me when I'm witnessing the demise of the souls. I'm taken aback by what I've heard about you. I was told and though I thought I knew, I knew nothing really. My heart shatters and my mind is suffering because of the difficulty in finding out why you had to submit to such an unquenchable desire, one that will

only be fulfilled when you die.

This is "blow by blow" assassination in one of the deadliest forms. Injections of death, the blowing of dust, the collection of ashes. Now the final burial of life that once was. Can every tear I cry drown out the dust and wash out the injections and fill the burial plot? They can't. I don't want to say goodbye to you my sister. Please.. let me only say goodnight. Night. Noir is the color of the night where you search for death... and you can't even afford it. You can't even afford to die. So you beg and beg until someone loans you death, and if your next hit takes you there, you don't have to worry about repaying your deadly loan.

Get help. I will help you. Accept your gift of life and leave night behind.

Conversations

I thought fervently about the words you spoke last night. They soothed all the idealistic thoughts in my head. They sounded like the stone cold truth even if the truth is that they’re bold faced lies. All I know is that they SOUNDED like melody over mesmerizing music. Woven together neatly: Beauty, appreciation and natural attraction were the comfort words layering my skepticism. Your optimism is exciting. It reminds me of the dream of a child not yet tainted by the darkness of the world. The pictures you paint are fractions of that dream with colors vivid and bright. If I close my eyes I can see myself with you in the midst of them. Stuck in this daydream I try and bridge the gap between our last escapade and our last conversation. Though they happened at different moments in time, in my thinking, they fuse together. The kiss you placed on my lips parallels your compliment of my smile. Your hand holding mine is the direct reflection of your encouragement. I appreciate your appreciation. The consideration you give is unmatched. Your eyes searched my soul for answers you might never get, but it’s the seeking that makes the journey worthwhile. When you look at me, I want to tell you my soul and share with you the truths that make me who I am. You’ve stepped into my life and I want you to stay. Where did you come from? God must’ve heard me when I prayed.

Circumcision

I'm impressed how you expertly circumcised my mind.. pulling back layers of indifference and defense, disbelief and uncompromising stubbornness. What you did was to protect me from myself. You were helping me to defeat the cynicism that has been aborting my optimism for far too long.

When you embarked upon me you brought with you the essence of truth and hope, life and a broader scope of what it means to truly live it. I have adored you for so long and haven't scratched the surface of your best.

The cool drink I needed, you refresh me; your presence like mist in the dead heat of summer. I acknowledge your rightness because you've acknowledged my pain and you erased it like alcohol on the toughest ink stain and now.........???

The Deep

The night was cold and wet, reminiscent of my tear stained face one moon before. Beyond control, the water trickled from my eye in every attempt to wash out the pain. I waited for a call that had taken the long road. I waited for the familiar sound of tenor to serenade my listening ear and in return I heard soft echoes of my own weeping. No amount of optimism could fill the hollowness that had become my companion since I saw you last. Pieces of me were perishing at the hands of uncertainty. Carried away from the realm of knowing, I was taken prisoner into the deep abysses of the unknown. The sounds around me were alarming and they pierced my heart with every intonation. The lights in my vision were red like the blood stained night. The crowd was thick but you weren't there. The scent of sea salt tickled my nose. The voices were loud, but I couldn't hear. The air was frigid and dense; but the chill came from the inside out. The wind licked my neck nastily, like a hungry stranger and left a hissing whisper in my ear. It carried a secret that was incomprehensible to my mind and fatal to my heart. The breeze blew circles of sand around my ankles reminding me of your sweet caress. The sea kissed the shore and brought with it the faint sound of your voice. Water grazed my foot and I knew you were there; I felt the overwhelming undeniable presence of you. In the distance they retrieved your body; unnoticed, I slipped under to join your soul. Here we reunite in the chasm called the deep blue sea…

fuerunt mihi lacrimae meae panis per diem ac noctem cum diceretur mihi tota die ubi est Deus tuus… 41:4

Stripped Volatility

What happened? After the words left my mouth on the journey to your ears, something intercepted them. What could it have been? Did my tone offend you, did what I said strike you as condescending or careless, inconsiderate or thoughtless, disrespectful or untrue?
If so, I must set my record straight. The very first time you walked into my world; your manliness radiated from the inside out. You've been to places I have yet to travel. You've understood more than I can consider understanding, how then could I speak condescendingly to you?

One night, I waited up for your call to come and it didn't. I tossed and turned and sleep eluded me and it was caring that fueled every bit of it. That night, I discovered that not only was I interested in you, but that I care for you and your well being, your safety and your most precious feelings. How then could I handle you carelessly when all I have for you is care and concern?

When you speak, I listen and consider the words being said. I listen closely in an earnest effort to understand you and create levels of comfort for you that surpass any other. When I'm in a world outside the one we share, my actions and reactions are carried out with you in mind. How then could I be inconsiderate toward you?

Throughout the day, thoughts of you circle around in my mind. They range in nature: direct and indirect, deep and not so deep, humorous and serious, some sexual and some practical. I think of new ways to articulate my perception of you and my feelings toward you. So who could justifiably say I'm thoughtless regarding you when all I do is think think and think…..

The man I know you to be is the fullest definition of it. Real men bestow respect and based off that principle alone, it is reciprocated. Never have I thought any less of you as a man. Not once have you made me feel less than what I am. I wouldn't disrepsect the man for whom I was made.

When I share with you my world, don't take it for granted. Understand that it's in my nature to nurture my own, and that is you. It's my responsibility to speak truth to you. We are one and I can't be true to myself being untrue to you? Do you hear now the words the way I sent them? This is how my heart speaks.

Vintage Milk

It could be considered water under a 14 year old bridge

But I'd just as easily dip skinny riding the wave between the ridge

And swim down deep under Memory's lane

On a mission to recover the treasures bearing your name

And I'd be lying if I said the other fish were just the same..

That they stung me when they left and sprung me when they came..

It could be considered the spilled milk people cry over

But I'd still dunk my cookie directly in it and moreover

Lick it off the floor with no regrets to do my body good

And taste the milk mustasche the way a small child would

Hoping to absorb as much vitamin D as I possibly could

Making the most of a complicated situation the way adults should.

It could be considered worthy of chalking up as a loss

But I'd just as easily spend a fortune and not count the costs

And even spend my very last hard earned dime

To get reacquainted with your mix in this other lifetime

So I can update the vintage visuals in my mental shrine

New reasons to ask do you remember the time..??

So I don't consider it water under the bridge or milk on the floor,

But rather history's way of preparing me for more...

Will you swim?

You Alone

And You said if I just delight myself in You, that You would give me the desires of my heart. (Psalm 37:4) If I who am called by your name would humble myself and pray, You will heal my land. I heard You say this morning to be still and know that YOU alone are God (Psalm 36:10). So peace is washing over me because I can rest in You and to wait patiently on You. You desire to make me whole. You're so holy and so righteous, so merciful and so True. You alone ARE GOD.

M E T A P H O R